Countess Diaries, Ch 6 A Justification for Every Masterpiece

 Ch 6 A Justification for Every Masterpiece

This morning brought an unexpected test of my diplomatic prowess when Lady Arabella Fitzwillow, a frequent and persnickety visitor to my palace, stumbled upon the Ashanti warrior mask in its new residence on the third-floor bathroom wall. She emerged from the room clutching her pearls, her expression teetering between astonishment and mild terror.

“Countess,” she began, in that clipped tone she reserves for delivering scandalous gossip, “I couldn’t help but notice… that thing on the wall. It is rather menacing, don’t you think?”

“Oh, Arabella,” I replied, adopting my most regal air. “You’ve discovered the warrior! Isn’t he magnificent? He was a gift—a talisman of protection for the more, shall we say, reflective spaces of the palace.”

Arabella raised an eyebrow. “Protection? In a bathroom?”

“Precisely,” I said with a smile as poised as my crinolines. “It is a symbolic gesture. The warrior watches over those who may feel most vulnerable in moments of quiet contemplation. A tradition rooted in Ghanaian lore, you understand.”

I sensed scepticism and quickly added, in whispered tones, “Madam, forgive my daring, and I speak quietly should the staff overhear…”

Already enthralled, my visitor gasped but allowed me to continue unabated. “I hear that this mask can bring special prowess and abundance within the, ahem, nether regions.”

I was bluffing, of course. Dennis had mentioned no such thing, but Arabella nodded, suitably captivated at the very thought, or at least too polite to question me further. The warrior remained undisputed in his post.

Later, however, I found myself caught in another such predicament when the gardener, Mr. Applethwaite, discovered the “village chief” mask in the pantry. He’d come in search of sugar for his tea, only to recoil in alarm at the sight of the chief’s solemn glare.

“Begging your pardon, ma’am,” he said, his cap crushed nervously in his hands, “but that’s a face to give a man nightmares. What’s it doing in here?”

“Ah, Mr. Applethwaite,” I said with a conspiratorial smile. “The chief presides over the pantry as a guardian of abundance. His presence ensures that the larder is never empty and that the flour is always plentiful. A tradition among African royalty, you see.”

“Right,” said Applethwaite, though his tone suggested skepticism. Still, he took his sugar and departed without further comment, leaving the chief to resume his solemn vigil over the condiments.

I must confess, I am growing quite adept at weaving such tales. Each “relocation” of an artwork requires a fresh story, a new layer of myth to justify its placement. It is, I dare say, an art form in itself, an improvisational dance between decorum and absurdity.

The ultimate challenge, however, looms in the form of my dear friend Sasha. She is due to visit next week, and I have no doubt her sharp eye and even sharper tongue will lead her to discover the ceramic bust in the linen cupboard. What shall I say then? That it wards off moths? Inspires the folds of the table linens?

No matter, I shall rise to the occasion. After all, every masterpiece deserves its place, and every patron must master the art of persuasion.

Post Scrip

I received a message from the Lady Arabella that she would be most indebted should I allow her and her husband to visit as soon as might be convenient.

Donald Trump USA Flag Classic Mug
£10.02
£13.37 (25% off)



Geek Erotica Vintage Poster by Goddamn Media New Issue Classic Mug
£10.02
£13.37 (25% off)



Fred Wears Puffballs and blows Bubbles Walking His Stag by iServalan Book s Classic Mug
£10.02
£13.37 (25% off)



Lucy and John by iServalan Homotech 23 Illustration Art by Tale Teller Club Orchestrations Classic Mug
£10.02
£13.37 (25% off)



Bear Mates by iServalan Homotech 23 Illustration Art by Tale Teller Club Orchestrations Tall Mug
£10.02
£13.37 (25% off)



Space Tourists by iServalan Homotech 23 Illustration Art by Tale Teller Club Orchestrations Classic Mug
£10.02
£13.37 (25% off)



Off to Work With the Larks Orange and Black by iServalan for Tale Teller Club Classic Mug
£10.02
£13.37 (25% off)



Up Yours Archive Poster Art by Goddamn Media Classic Mug
£10.02
£13.37 (25% off)



Fashion by iServalan Homotech 23 Illustration Art by Tale Teller Club Orchestrations Tall Mug
£10.02
£13.37 (25% off)





The Cat’s Behind Black and Gold Leaf Art by iServalan for Tale Teller Club Music Classic Mug
£10.02
£13.37 (25% off)