Three Flat Whites by Sarnia de la Mare, a Mills and Swoon Short Romance Story
Things were improving though as she had roped her sister's four year old into giving her smartphone lessons. She could now text, search Google, and even purchase ceramic hedgehogs on eBay.
And today, Clara was confident. She had downloaded an app. All by herself.
Not just any app, mind you. Plenty of Lovely, the thinking woman’s dating platform. So many men, so little time, so many dentists, vets, and doctors working with Medecins sans Frontieres.
She uploaded a photograph where she was smiling holding a ceramic hedgehog. It had taken three days of selfie practice, some with props, many in different outfits, and most looking like she was passing wind.
“GSOH, loves adventure, loves quirky vintage, and collecting ceramic hedgehogs. Swipe right if you can cook risotto or explain cryptocurrency.” Her 12 year old niece had explained the importance of a good bio and told her that saying '32 year old virgin who loved early nights and hedgehogs' was not a good look. However, hedgehogs were such a big part of her daily life that they simply had to be mentioned.
Then, within mere moments, she received this hopeful message:
Harry Hedgehog Lover: 'Hey. Loved your hedgehog. How about comparing collections sometime?'
Harry was handsome in a hedgehog kind of way. He had spiky hair and a long nose and he was always smiling.
She was smitten. A man who appreciated her ceramics? What were the chances?
They exchanged messages for a week. Harry was charming, witty, and had an enviable knowledge of ceramic wildlife in the decorative arts through history. He had specialist knowledge in hedgehog ceramic art in Victorian Britain (which really made her swoon).
She was smitten. A man who appreciated her ceramics? What were the chances?
They exchanged messages for a week. Harry was charming, witty, and had an enviable knowledge of ceramic wildlife in the decorative arts through history. He had specialist knowledge in hedgehog ceramic art in Victorian Britain (which really made her swoon).
They arranged to meet at Caffè Antico, the kind of place where everything came served on reclaimed slate and the Wi-Fi password was 'haiku'. Plus, there was a painting of a hedgehog on the wall.
Clara arrived early, wearing her favourite dress, which was made from vintage nylon fabric with a hedgehog motif.
She waited. And waited. And waited. Three flat whites later and feeling ground level low, she picked up her hedgehog tote and made her way home. Then the phone rang. It was HIM. The cad, the charlatan, he who had extorted lewd-ish images of her lying on her best hedgehog duvet cover.
Clara did not answer, she was mad, and also, very sad. She wanted to go home, curl up in a ball, forget all this dating craziness and get back to being a virgin and evenings bidding on eBay.
But then, her phone pinged again. It was a message from her friend Suzy.
'Have you seen this? she said. 'This must be your Harry surely?'
Clara was staring at a Twitter feed of Harry stopping traffic as a family of hedgehogs crossed a busy road just when he should have been on their date.
Clara was aghast.
Then a message from Harry. 'Running late, just had to rescue some hedgehogs and get them to the vet to be checked over as one was injured. On my way to Caffè Antico now, hope you are still there.'
Clara did an immediate turnaround and headed straight back.
Three years on, Clara and Harry run a hedgehog rescue centre in Milton Keynes and have a daughter called Henrietta. Their home is adorned with rare ceramic hedgehog collections and they have their own YouTube channel with three million followers. And the moral of this story....never give up on love after the third flat white....true love takes at least four.
© 2025 Sarnia de la Mare
Other Short Stories by Sarnia de la Mare
